Three and a half years ago my appendix ruptured, requiring emergency surgery. The day after hospital discharge the diarrhea began. I was diagnosed with an antibiotic resistant C. diff infection. I suffered through seven months of raging illness while I underwent standard protocol. I was able to get to the Mayo Clinic and had a fecal microbiota transplant which thankfully (I thought) brought the CDI to negative status.

I now have secondary and tertiary health issues that require medicines that I cannot have, because they increase my risk for C. diff to recur. For example, proton pump inhibitors for the horrid acid reflux, antidiarrheal for the constant diarrhea, steroids for inflammation or even just ibuprofen, for fear of reigniting worse.

I am not living, I am existing.